Peter Pein
by PeacefulRaindrop
Summary: Hello. I am Tinker Bell. Or as some of you may know me as Konan. That's right. Being the only girl in the Akatsuki, sorry, The Lost Akatsuki. I got stuck with being the flying Fairy. Pein. Being the leader of our group. Is the one and only, man in tights, tunic wearing, Peter Pan. Yaaaay... I do not find this entertaining in anyway... Tink, Tink.
1. Chapter 1

**_Crack fic alert! Imagination runs wild at 4am... Enjoy!_**

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Hello. I am Tinker Bell. Or as some of you may know me as Konan. That's right. Being the only girl in the Akatsuki, sorry, The Lost Akatsuki. I got stuck with being the flying Fairy. Pain. Being the leader of our group. Is the one and only, man in tights, tunic wearing, Peter Pan. Yaaaay... I do not find this entertaining in anyway. As for the rest of our eccentric group, they are The Lost boys. Sorry. Lost Akatsuki. Again I 'am Konan, Tinker Bell, and please enjoy this special. Yaaaay.

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"And we're rolling! Go!" Zetsu chimed.

"Zetsu! Make sure you get a good shot of my tights!" Pain stated, tossing aside the script book, placing his hands on his hips.

"Tobi is a good fairy!" Tobi yelled.

"Shutup idiot!" Deidara shushed, smacking him.

"We're rolling! Shutup!" Tsunade roared.

"ahem!" Pain snuck into the poorly set room as Wendy's room. Konan hiding behind the end table of Wendy's bed. "A very attractive girl..." Pain stated, flashing a grin to the camera. "Hello..." Shakes Wendy's arm... Doesn't wake. "Girl?" Shakes arm even harder. Still doesn't wake. Pain throws his arms into the air. "I can't work with this!" Konan, knocks over the end table, waking Wendy.

"Whaz happening...?" The groggy Wendy asked, rubbing sleep from 'her' eyes.

"Hi there!" Pain grins, immediately going back to the script.

"Sup...?"

"That's not the lines! Stick to the lines!" Tsunade snapped.

"Oooo! Sorry! I just woke up! Give me a second!" Wendy growled. "Oh yeah... were doing the Peter Pan thing!" Frowns instantly. "And I got stuck with the girls part..." Pain scampers to the open window.

"Come with me Wendy!"

"Hell no! I ain't playing a chick! Get me outta this dress!" Naruto yelled. Sakura jumps outta nowhere, smacking him on the head. "What the hell was that for!?"

"Your lines! Stick to them," she hissed, jumping outta the shot.

"Where we going Peter?" Naruto asked in his best girl voice, earning some snickers from backstage. No doubt Sasuke, and the rest of the cast.

"To NeverLand!"

"Where da fuck is that?" Naruto asked.

"The second star to the right!" Points to the sky.

"What stars? Sasuke told me that they were fireflies stuck in the sky!" More snickers, and full out laughter from the back. "I Oughta beat your asses!" Sakura jumps up, punching Naruto/Wendy clean across the face. He collapses into Pain's arms, blood leaking from his mouth.

"We're off! Believe in fairies! Lets go Tink!" Pain shouts, jumping outta the window. Konan gets up, walking towards the window, jumping out, her wings falling off.

"Shit..." Goes back to pick them up, jumping out the window, with her wings under her arm. "Tink, Tink, Tink..."

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_**END OF CHAPTER 1. IT IS 5 AM NOW! AND I WON'T BE SLEEPING FOR A WHILE NOW! :DDDD**_


	2. Chapter 2: New Wendy

_**SO! I HAVENT SLEPT ALLLLLLLLL DAY! :DDDDD IT'S QUITE INTERESTING! I FEEL LIKE MY EYELIDS ARE GONNA SEAL SHUT IF I CLOSE EM**_

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Wendy(Naruto) wakes on a forest floor. "God... Feels like I've been hit by a fucking bus..." He groaned, rubbing the back of his head, that proceeded to produce a large goose egg.

"Naruto..." Tsunade tapped her foot impatiently.

"Oh right!" Naruto cleared his throat, putting on a girl voice. "Bloody hell! It feels like I've been hit by a fucking speeding tour bus!" Smiles at the camera. Wendy's younger brother comes crawling along.

"Dear sister Wendy, where are we?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"Granny! Why is Kakashi playing the younger brother! He's a thousand years older than me!"

"He was the only one that fit the part! Go with it!" Naruto sighed, shaking his head. He looked around him, then at Kakashi, who so seemingly proceeded to act innocent.

"Well... We're either in some place called NeverLand...or..."

"Or?" He prodded, knowing that wasn't in the script.

"We're high as fuck!" The cast back stage burst into laughter, and Naruto cracked a wide grin.

"...High as fuck yeah!" He agreed.

"Good morning Wendy!" Peter Pein chimed, his hands on his hips, flashing his tight covered legs to the camera.

"Jesus you scared me! Don't do that again!" Naruto pushes himself to his feet.

"I hope you slept well!"

"I didn't.."

"That's great!I'd like you to meet some people!"

"I'd rather not.." Peter Pain continued to ignore Wendy, whistling to something, or someone.

"Lost Akatsuki!" Suddenly, in came these rather tall looking, barely clothed older men. Itachi stood on the far right, then Kisame. They were the twins. Then Deidara, followed by Sasori. Deidara seemed to be wearing some sort of fat suit, and it didn't suit him at all... Sasori on the other hand, just wore a tiny skunk hat that didn't even cover his head. In unison, they spoke. "Hello Miss Wendy. We are the Lost Akatsuki..."

"Whaaa...? Arent there like... eight members..?"

"We had to cut some people.." Itachi explained. Outta nowhere, Tobi came swooping down from the trees, landing on his face. He scrambled to his feet, twirling in circles around us, dressed like a fairy...

"Tobi is a good fairy! Lookit Senpai!" Twirls even more, causing Deidara to smack him on the head.

"Knock it off!" He snapped. Slowly entered Konan, waving around her wand.

"Tink, tink *sigh* Tink, tink..."

"Welcome everyone! I'm going to teach Wendy here! How to fly! Just say, 'I believe in fairies!' And the magic will work! Go for it Wendy!"

"I feel ridiculous saying that... Besides. They aren't real. If they were, Konan and Tobi would be flying right now..." Suddenly, Tobi dropped to the floor, convulsing violently. "What's wrong with him?"

"Probably being stupid again..." Deidara sighed.

"Sugar loss?" Itachi suggested.

"No silly! Wendy doesn't BELIEVE! So! She killed him..."

"Well he can't very well be dead if he's still shaking.." Sasori concluded.

"Quick Wendy! You can save him! Just say it!" Pein encouraged.

"He's fine! Now! How bout we go see some Mermaids hmm?" Naruto suggested, strolling away from the twitching Tobi fairy. Tobi is sobbing.

"Why doesn't she believe in me...? I did all the twirling and I flew! Tobi is a good fairy! AND ALWAYS WILL BE!" Famous last words...

"...Lets go spy on some mermaids.." Itachi stated, everyone agreeing, leaving Tobi behind, and Konan still walking in circles.

"Tink, Tink, Tink..."

* * *

"So this is what mermaids look like eh?" As Naruto grins mischievously at the mermaids, Pein is babbling on about them.

"They are very hypnotic you know! They will try to pull you underwater, and drown you! I know better than to do that! Cause, I'm Peter Pein! Are you listening to me Wendy? Wendy?" Turns around. Wendy is no longer there. "Wendy?" Millions of bubbles start to appear on the surface, followed by a surfaced Naruto.

"She's trying to kill me!" He yelled, trying to get out of the water, only to be dragged down again, by the mermaid.

"I'm not trying to kill you... I'm trying to keep your company here permanent!" The mermaid grinned.

"Hinata! Knock it off! What is wrong with you!?" Naruto sputtered out water.

"Nothing is wrong with me Naruto-kun~" Hinata tries to drag him under again. Naruto flails outta her grasp, hauling himself over the edge of the pool, rolling away.

"That's it! I'm outta here! I can't take it!" Tears his costume over his head, standing in his boxers. Stomping to the edge of the stage, only to be caught by the ankle. "What the hell!?" Looks back, eyes widening at who it is... "SAI!?"

"Hi Naruto, I mean Wendy. I'm going to drag you under now!"

"Why the hell are you doing this?!"

"Sakura told me too..." Pulls Naruto into the water, dragging him under, never to be seen again...

"SHIT!" Tsunade exasperated. "There goes Wendy! Bring in the understudy!" Sasuke comes running across the stage in boxers.

"NEVER!" Glances behind him, seeing Itachi chasing after him.

"Foolish little brother!" Purple dress in hand, followed by Sakura and Ino, makeup kit in hand.

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Sasuke's eye twitched in annoyance. "Stop that! If you keep that up! It'll mess up my foundation job!" Ino whined.

"Good! I want out of this fucking thing..." Sakura punched him in the gut, knocking more wind out of him. He was already having troubles breathing, since they put a corset on him.

"Stick to the lines. And it'll be over soon," she explained. With that, the two of them scampered off the stage. Sasuke tried to get as much air into his lungs as possible.

"And we're rolling!" Zetsu barked.

"Oh, where is little John..." Sasuke began.

"More enthusiasm!" Tsunade demanded.

"Little John!?" He tried putting as much enthusiasm as possible.

"More feminine!" Tsunade urged.

"Sounds like a girl to me..." Naruto commented, earning a furious glare from the dolled up Uchiha.

"Where are you little John!?" He tried his best girl voice.

"Sounds like a dying camel.." Itachi stated. For Wendy, there was no response from Little John anywhere. Wendy getting fed up, placed his hands on his hips.

"Get your ass out her Kakashi! I see you with my Sharingan! Come out from behind that damn tree!" Just like that, Little John came crawling out from behind the tree, a orange book in his hand.

"Since when did Wendy have Sharingan?" he asked.

"Since I started being Wendy, deal with it. Where's the other bro?" Kakashi shrugged, reading his book once more.

"Some of the natives took him, and some of the Lost Akatsuki..."

"Which way?"

"That way.." Points to the south of where they stand.

"Thanks, stay there." Wendy started to leave, heading down a long trail in search of her other brother.

Meanwhile...

"Hohoho! Look at what we've got here..." Captain Oruichimaru muttered, as he watched Wendy from his telescope. He closed his telescope quickly. "SMEE!" Mr. Smee, came bursting through the cabin doors, standing at his Captains side.

"What do you need your excellence?" Kabuto asked.

"That body there..." Points to Sasuke, Wendy, running down the trail.

"Consider it yours.." Kabuto bowed to his Captain, climbing over the side of the ship, heading to retrieve his masters prize...

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_**END! REVIEW FAVOURITE IF YA WANT MORE! IF YA DONT IMMA STILL POST CHAPTERS CAZ I THINK ITS FUNNY AS HELL**_


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